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The Art of Transformation

How FKA Twigs’ “Cellophane” Teaches an Important Lesson about Self-Identity

    Recently, I and two million other people discovered the music video to “Cellophane,” an imaginatively symbolic single released by the always-thought-provoking artist, FKA Twigs. The video, directed by Andrew Thomas Huang (Björk, Kelela), shows FKA Twigs in a beautifully decorated costume as she pole dances for an unseen audience. She starts her mesmerizing pole dance routine — for which FKA Twigs trained for months to do — and we are taken on a journey through the elegance of her movements and the emotions of her words. Soon, the ceiling in the video opens up, a winged creature appears, and FKA is seen spiraling down into a pit made of (presumably) red clay. The video ends with FKA Twigs gazing into the camera, breathing heavily.

    “Cellophane” tells a tale of the issues that come with harboring emotional weight and being afraid of facing yourself. Being the expressive artist she is, FKA Twigs is able to eloquently paint a captivating picture of love, loss, and the price of fame in a short four minute, twenty-one second video.

    Who Am I in the Public Eye?

    In our lives, we all struggle with themes of learning when to let go of people and situations that no longer contribute to our growth and well-being. While we embark on our own special journeys toward self-discovery and individuality, we encounter many moments where we cannot move forward until something we’ve decided to hold onto is released.

    FKA Twigs touches on these topics in her music video. In “Cellophane,” FKA Twing sings about a romance that is reminiscent of her relationship with the English actor, Robert Pattinson (most popularly known for the Twilight series). She reportedly dated him for three years, and in those years, reports spread around the internet about how their relationship sparked racist bigotry from fans and haters. During their relationship, FKA Twigs was constantly bombarded by people who wanted to see their relationship fail because of her skin color.

    Coming from a Catholic school background, FKA Twigs was not a stranger of becoming the subject of racist attacks. However, because she was on a platform where virtually anyone in the world could have access to details of her private life, she was unable to escape the vitriol and judgement. In “Cellophane,” as she begins her pole dancing routine, she sings, “ And I don’t want to have to share our love/I try, but I get overwhelmed.” Being that Robert Pattinson had been incredibly popular around the time that they were dating, FKA Twigs felt as if she was forced to share the special connection they had with each other with the world. She also sings, “They want to see us, want to see us alone/They want to see us, want to see us apart” to convey how the public received the news of their relationship. Thus, begins FKA Twigs’ struggle with her identity, her public image, and letting go of a part of herself that feels the need to prove herself to an unforgiving audience.

    Handling the Emotional Toll

    In an interview from 2014, FKA Twigs stated, “Half of my life I’ve had people staring at me because they think I’m funny-looking and ugly.” Unfortunately, the bullying has continued. Much of the attacks came from online trolls and bigots, and in “Cellophane,” FKA Twigs was able to paint the picture for us. In the video, as she walks in the room for her performance, she is greeted by an excited crowd that cannot be seen. FKA Twigs’ demeanor is not one of enthusiasm, but of careful indifference. This could be seen as her putting on a brave face as she takes slow, calculated steps to the pole. She is acutely aware of her surroundings at this time, and strives to make sure she doesn’t miss a step. A missed step could mean angering the unseen crowd — something she doesn’t want to continue to do, due to the anger her relationship with Pattinson sparked.

    Instead of walking away from the fame and consequently, her dreams, FKA Twigs continues to perform. She continues to allow herself to be vulnerable and open in her art. FKA Twigs allows herself to be exposed to an unforgiving crowd — very much like what she has chosen to do in real life. Being a performer and in a high-profile relationship at the time, FKA Twigs ceaselessly forced herself to be transparent enough to create artwork she knew would be greatly praised and viciously ridiculed at the exact same time. In response to the immense emotional toll the racism had on her personal life, she pressed on, and put her vulnerability on display for everyone. Pattinson and FKA Twigs eventually broke up in 2017, after reportedly being engaged. As a consequence of her relationship and breakup being made for public consumption, she had to retreat into herself to protect herself and her feelings. In a world of invisible people hating her, she built up a false persona around herself.

    Confronting Self-Identity

    FKA Twigs loses all of herself in her performance. She twirls elegantly and masterfully around the pole as if she were in training for her whole life. She sings “ But I, just want to feel you’re there… When you’re gone, I have no one to tell.” She’s alone in this journey of self discovery. FKA Twigs has reached the part of her life — of her performance — where she has to confront who she has defined herself as thus far. She has to ask herself, “Who am I really?” and search for the answer.

    This is the most evident in the video when the sky opens up and a winged creature is seen flying around. FKA Twigs climbs the pole to get a closer look and is shocked by what she sees. The creature bears a green mask that then disintegrates and reveals a metallic silver replica of FKA Twigs’ own face.

    This creature is signalling to FKA Twigs that she has not been living authentically. She has built her life on an identity that is unstable — one that has resulted from the decades of ridicule she has received from people known and unknown. FKA Twigs had become a performer who created from a place of wanting to prove and protect herself, but the appearance of her reflection told her it was time to shed the skin — the cellophane — that she built around herself. It is time for her to transform herself by digging into the depths of her identity and reconstructing her image, her sense of self. But, unfortunately, she is afraid. So she falls.

    Forced into Transformation

    As I’ve written in another article, when you’re afraid to face your own demons, they will continue to come back until you force yourself to confront them. In FKA Twigs’ case, the confrontation is immediate. After rejecting herself, she spirals down into the depths of herself.

    This video is chocked full of beautifully symbolic imagery, and FKA Twigs’ emotional, dark, and frightening spiral down is no exception. She is seen screaming at the camera as she sings about how she isn’t accepted by the very people for which she performed: “Why won’t you do it for me/When all I do is for you?” This gut-wrenching line shows how hurt she is by the racism and hatred she received. All she wanted was to be accepted for who she is, and in doing so she strained herself and became someone she isn’t. Yet, after all of that, she is still unaccepted, still unloved. She expressed every bit of herself hoping to gain approval, hoping to change peoples’ minds, but at the end of the day, she sacrificed her own truth of who she was.

    Where Do We Go From Here?

    The video ends with FKA Twigs hitting rock bottom. At this point in her life, FKA Twigs has fought so hard to keep an unstable foundation from crumbling, — but to no avail. She has finally reached the point where she has to face who she is and build herself back up.

    As FKA Twigs has finally figured out, the view from the bottom offers more clarity than the experience at the top. When you reach the bottom, it is much easier to see all the cracks, gaps, and mistakes you made while building your false foundation. FKA Twigs is able to see where she messed up and how to fix it. She knows now that she can no longer rely on other people to tell her who she is, what is acceptable, or who she can be. She has to decide that for herself.

    She is able to receive help from people who are not afraid to reveal their true selves. They cover her up with the red clay in a sort of ritual to aid in healing her. Through this, she is able to take the time to self-reflect and and gather her own strength.

    FKA Twigs ends “Cellophane” by sitting up and staring at the camera. The lines, “ They’re hating/They’re waiting/And hoping/I’m not enough,” are sung and it is clear that through this whole process, she was being watched. The people who ridiculed and degraded her watched her fall and did nothing to help. She had to reach the bottom of herself to realize she can survive it — she can survive anything. She ends the video with a face that is very similar to the expression she had at the beginning — careful, introspective, brave. The racists and bigots may have been able to see her downfall and the breaking up of her relationship, but they weren’t able to experience it. From the experience, FKA Twigs was able to find the part of herself that she values above what everyone thinks about her — her ability of transformation and renewal. She now knows that at the end of it all, without the cellophane, without the dazzling lights of performance, she can succeed. She can survive.

    When FKA Twigs posted about “Cellophane’s” debut, she said, “[T]hroughout my life I’ve practiced my way to being the best I could be, it didn’t work this time. I had to tear down every process I’d ever relied on. go deeper. rebuild. start again.” That’s exactly what she did, and she did it beautifully.

    What Can We Learn From This?

    The message FKA Twigs conveys in this video is one all of us can learn from — despite not all of us being famous. The lesson is, when you are faced with yourself, instead of fighting or fleeing, choose to dig deeper into who you are. In this lifetime, we all have to learn how to face our shadows, our darker selves. It is our duty to do this because only when we face ourselves do we figure out how to heal and grow as people. Healing yourself may take you to rock-bottom, but the reward of it all is finding out you can survive it. Once you can reach the depths of your soul and survive, you’ll know you can face anything. There is power in being able to fall, transform, and rise again. Don’t be afraid of it. Embrace it. Thank you for reading.

    mikaila simone | IG: @mikailaisawesome | Liked this? Read this article!

     
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